Values vs. Re-adjusting
Lately I’ve been feeling like there is some disconnect between me and many of the people I know in Janesville, WI, where I live now. I couldn’t place the cause of it or even define precisely what it was. But then an old friend from school, who herself is from Taiwan, left a comment on my Facebook wall: “You’re so Asian.” And, I think that is it.
And now to contradict that last sentence. It’s not so much that I’m “so Asian” as I think it is that I am not quite so American. I’ve been back in the States now for two years and thought I had long since re-adjusted to life here, and I think that is true too. I have re-adjusted to life here. But I think some of my values have changed, permanently, and I think that is the cause of the disconnect.
Explore posts in the same categories: America, China
July 24, 2009 at 12:01 am
Interesting point. Could you elaborate on it more?
July 24, 2009 at 6:07 am
I think that you change in subtle ways that don’t really show up right away. We are already worried about the reverse culture shock we are hit with when we move back to the states. We worry more about further down the road, I think that when one begins to become complacent with their surroundings it’ll make you miss the hectic constant craziness that “being Asian” brings to you. We also think maybe a bit of lost time hiccup occurs where your time away is more noticeable in you due to travel and other experiences, whereas people that haven’t gone anywhere live on as if you never left – it’s easy to fall back into the same-old routines.
Sorry for the long comment – you can tell that I have thought about this very issue. We will have to address it when we move back, and it’s starting to look like we will be moving back sooner then we would like.
July 24, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I know what you mean! But I don’t feel “so Asian”, I just feel like I don’t fully fit in in either place now.
July 31, 2009 at 3:07 pm
I think you’re too polite. I’d say that the correct terms are something in-between “wiser” and “older”.
I think we could all benefit from learning about the world from first-hand experience instead of newspapers, movies, the net etc. Though those media help us a lot, they can’t make out for the real deal.
I’ve seen this a lot in people returning from longer journeys abroad. My feeling is that most of those grow one way or another. Then after returning they might tend to avoid some discussions, because its futile to use energy when you know beforehand that the counterpart will enver understand your point fully. So they clam up and feel estranged.
I works both ways though. Sometimes well-traveled people are full of it too
January 29, 2010 at 5:20 pm
This is an interesting observation. I my self has lived in 2 different countries. Indonesia,Singapore and New Zealand. Some people called me a ‘Hybrid’. I do not really fit in the typical Asian stereotype. To me it is very interesting how we can assimilate cultures and redefine our values and attitude.
February 19, 2010 at 3:48 am
I guess because in China they treated you like almighty King, and in States you are nobody.. I guess the Chinese spoilt you too much mate!
October 3, 2011 at 12:35 pm
“I guess the Chinese spoilt you too much mate!”
I just returned from a two year stint in China and even though I’m Caucasian and raised in Canada, I’m now going through a really bad case of reverse culture shock.
WeifangChick, you are right, I was also spoiled by China. I worked for a very progressive Chinese company that was void of any of the nepotism or back room deals we hear about. I had the privilege to work with amazing and talented people that quickly became my friends, and yes, I experienced some of the craziness outside almost daily but, I very quickly embraced it and came to love it.
I guess returning to Toronto and becoming invisible again does affect one in many ways. Every time I notice someone passing me on the street here and purposely avoiding eye contact as not to allow for a friendly “hello” or even just a smile makes me feel homesick for China. Yes, I was one of the “Lao Wai’s” that didn’t mind the stares and the hellos from strangers. As my Mandarin improved I was able to meet and chat with a lot of these people and as a result made many friends in the town I worked in.
In China I knew almost every merchant in the neighborhood I lived in by name. Here in Canada I don’t even know the name of the guy at the convenience store I have been shopping in for years. It wasn’t just a foreigner things most of my local friends also knew the merchants as well.
Sorry, for going on about my experience and I really have nothing to offer in the way of advise to the author of this blog as my problem is a simple one since, my return to Canada five months ago I have realized that I no longer like the life here and I plan to return to China permanently in the spring. I miss my friends there, my work, all the delicious food and of course living in a world where I’m constantly awestruck by my surroundings on a daily basis. I must have been Chinese in another life. he he
Just as a side note and I don’t even know why I’m saying this but, having seen the environmental projects China is presently undertaking, the human rights policy/law changes, the governments crack downs on corruption, the education system overhaul and the economic growth that is visibly giving more people a better life, I think China is quickly becoming the country to beat.
No country is perfect and China certainly isn’t but, any positive changes in a country of over 1.3 Billion people is an astonishing thing to see first hand.
March 28, 2012 at 10:28 am
I feel what you’re saying. Deep down inside, aren’t you a happier person now? Let that shine through. You should be the change you want to see in the world. I think that’s true.